Nah... Not Nikki. Not Nikki Mauler (Private)

[Nicole Mauler]

This was no fucking way to treat a professional athlete. A run down, half working, over packed, stinking, sputtering piece of shit bus, that her brother Tommy secured for her to take for the ride from Salt Lake City, Utah to Las Vegas, Nevada. It'd be a good experience for her he said..

It'd help keep her grounded he said..

It's no big deal she said. He'd done it dozens of times she said.

What a load of shit.

Nikki sat in the front of the bus, right behind the driver who was so overweight, disgusting and dirty you could probably plant a bed of roses in his asscrack if he'd let you. Nasty was an understatement. She could smell him from where she sat which couldn't be any more than like 3 feet right?

This guy reeked! Her face was contorted in such a way that said it might reek like a bag of armpits & asses but who in the hell was gonna get any closer to confirm that theory?? Nah... Not Nikki... Not Nikki Mauler...

But that part Nikki could deal with. She could deal with it if this guy had a thyroid condition. Sure that could happen to anybody. She could even deal with it if he had some kind of morbid obsession with eating large amounts of junk food packed with high fructose corn syrup and yellow #5.

All that she could forgive. What she couldn't forgive was someone who didn't know when to SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

Amid all the talking on the bus his voice seemed to cut through all of them. ALL... OF... THEM! It was piercing! Like when you're 17 and screwing someone in your parents house, and even though the music is playing sort of loud in the bedroom, you can hear that key being stuck into the door on the OPPOSITE side of the house? Yes! That!

The guy just would not shut his trap for more than 10 seconds. Nikki stared out the window, only taking a break from trying to keep her head when she'd look into the rear view mirror above the drivers head to make eye contact with him when he said that annoying ass...

"Ya' know?"

There it was again... After every sentence that ended with a question mark, that was his last fucking phrase.

Trying to be nice. Trying to keep her head, Nikki sat still, listening and pretending to be calm and friendly. That shit was getting old and in a hurry too.

"So I tells my wife like this. I'm like baby... Either you're gonna do it, or I'm gonna get your slut bitch sister to do it for me again. I mean... heh heh... This dick ain't gonna suck itself. Ya' know?"

Motherfu...

"Aha! But the little lady did come on 'round. I mean who could resist all of this. I'm pure bred 100 percent stud man. She should be happy just to be with me. Ya know?"

Yeah so would Nikki. So happy she'd just shit everytime he walked in the door. This guy wasn't 100 percent man. He was -100 percent man. He owed God and the entire natural population of Planet Earth 200 percent with compound interest.

"But anyway... Enough about me. Yeeeeeaaaah. Enough about me..."

She heard his voice stop, and leaned her head back against the seat closing her eyes. Silence. It was golden when it came at the right time wasn't it? The other voices on the bus didn't even exist right now. It was peaceful because Porky the pimp finally shut his burger trap up. Then...

"So where are you headed to exactly lil' miss? Why.. A pretty girl like you shouldn't be travelin' all alone. Where's ya headed to? A beauty pageant or something like that? Not much else somebody as pretty as you could do... Ya' Know?"

Bitch please. Nikki Mauler could beat the redneck gene out of your ass & turn your future grandchildren into African American Civil Right's activists. You didn't get the memo?

Nikki slowly opened her eyes, wondering just how in the hell was she still keeping her cool. She forced a smile onto her face like fat bitches trying to put on skinny jeans and as she made eye contact with him in the rear view....

"I'm headed to Las Vegas. New wrestling promotion. Needed work so I figured what the hell. One place is as good as another."

"Wrasslin'? Girl, you mean to tell me that you're one of them gal wrasslers? Ya' know?"

Inbreeding is bad. Confirmed.

"Nah. I'm a professional wrestler. Don't know what a wrassler is. Sounds like someone who chases horses or something like that. Hell if I know."

The guy just laughed. He had the nerve to laugh. He had the nerve to laugh at anybody for that fact. And I mean one of those down home, fat black woman sitting on the porch in Plains, Georgia type of laughs. Long and drawn out for no particular reason laughs. Nikki just shook her head side to side as she clenched her teeth together knowing he'd respond in a second.

"Well I'll be. Not often ya' meet someone as pretty as you who's into somethin' like that. Figured ya' was some sort of... Nude model or somethin'. Sure wouldn't mind seein'you do somethin' along those lines. Bet that'd be so hawt. Hell, a guy would be the luckiest feller in the world if he got the chance ta' lay wit'cha too. *long whistle* Ya' know?"

"You can't be fucking serious. I'd pour cement into my own vagina before letting someone like you see it. Much less enter it. That's like taking a crap inside of a Bentley. Something doesn't belong."

"What's that little lady?"

"Nothing.... Jackass..."

"Wh? Speak up I cain't hear ya' lil' lady."

That was it. Nikki stood up tossing her bag to the opposite side of her seat and started her way to the back of the bus. Which wasn't easy at all. All of these inbreds and misfits of nature crowding the bus made it hard to even keep anything on your stomach the more you stayed around them. This was awful. This was decrepit. This was death itself magically metamorphosis-ed into an actual event/ordeal.

She had to get her peace of mind back if only for a moment. She got to the bathroom part of the bus, and walked in turning and closing the door behind her and locking it. That one guy out there with the glass eye but gold teeth in his mouth right beside the bathroom freaked her out. Dumbass.. Why not use the money you used to get the gold teeth, to get a new fucking eye... Or one that was at least the same color as your remaining original eye...

She was gonna kill Tommy. Dead.

To Be Continued...

[Nicole Mauler]

"Hey how long ya' gonna be? My stomach is boiling out here! Gotta take a 10 pound dump lady!"

Nikki hadn't even used the bathroom. She just needed a break from that guys mouth and to try something to keep the barf down her throat. She stood there and splashed cold water on her face and stared into the mirror after hearing the guys voice. She was trying to soothe her own self with her own voice at this point.

"Stay calm Nik. It's only a few more hours til' Vegas. You can make it. And if not... Just choke the bastard until he coughs up a bag of powdered donuts. That's your trump card girl, that's your trump card."

3 more bangs came through the door making Nikki wince at the sound of it. She turned and almost yanked the door wide open before barging out of the cramped bathroom. Instantly she was headed back to her seat, her steps at a high pace.

Finding her way back to her seat, she plops down, her thick thighs almost clapping against the seat as she slid over towards the window part of the seat. She moved her bag to the outside part, hoping to be able to get some shut eye. Or at least a break from all of the nonsense she was hearing on this bus today.

"Excuse me miss?"

What in the hell?

She felt a tapping on her shoulder from over the seat behind her. She shook her head as she looked up seeing the face of some unsuspecting guy who looked to be like in his mid 40's or something with a mustache that looked like he paid a pack of squirrels to rotate shifts beneath his lip.

"Yeah...?"

The guy readjusted himself on the back of the seat, his armpit supporting his weight as he turned sideways as he introduced his wife. She too moved herself to the same position as the guys voice chimed back in.

"We watched you go to the bathroom a few seconds ago and.."

"What? Why the hell would you do that?"

"Uh... No not like that. No we mean..."

"What he means honey is that we noticed you when you went to the bathroom. We thought you looked familiar and like we'd seen you somewhere before."

Oh ok. That sounded better.

"Aren't you a professional wrestler or something? A valet?"

Nah... Not Nikki. Not Nikki Mauler.

Nikki raised an eyebrow turning slightly a bit more in her seat as she was still slumped down a bit, her arms folded. She responded..

"A valet? I wouldn't be caught dead doing that. Except if it was for a few certain people. And I do mean a few."

"Oh we didn't mean to say it like that but we know we've seen you somewhere before."

"Ah, yeah. I'm a professional wrestler. Name's Nikki Mauler. You 2 must be underground wrestling fans then because I'm not big name. Not yet anyway."

Now this was a nice change. Someone had some damn sense in their heads Nikki thought. Finally!

"Oh yea we're more into the small venues over the big ones. Who can stand those guys ya' know? All their talking and soap opera junk. Just wrestle we say."

"Yeah just wrestle. All that other stuff is useless and isn't needed. It messes up more than it helps."

Now that caught Nikki's attention. She even fully sat up in her seat, turning all the way around with a smile on her face.

"Thanks. That's cool to hear from fans of wrestling. I feel the same way about the smaller feds. Ya' get to be closer to the fans and it feels more like family than a job too. Way better."

"Yeah we watch you every chance we get. We're big big fans of yours."

"Yeah which is why w gotta ask you for your autograph. We hope you don't mind...."

"Nah it's no big deal. What do you want me to sign?"

The woman of the couple turns around and retrieves a T-Shirt from one of the bags they have with them on the bus. She lightly tosses it over the back of the chair that separated them and Nikki. Spreading it out a bit Nikki quickly saw that it was a Syndicate T-shirt and she just smiled.

"Well, I guess it'll have to do. Who should I make it out to?"

She asked as the man of the couple whipped out a sharpie for her to sign.

"Thank you for being so cool about this."

"No problem. It's my pleasure."

"Um, just make it out to Carol & Blake. Ms. Mauler's biggest fans on the planet."

"Yeah that sounds cool."

And so Nikki did just that. Just like they wanted and with a big N. Mauler signature at the bottom. Handing them the sharpie back she had a big smile on her face as she responded...

"There ya go. Compliments of the Heartbreaker. Enjoy."

The guy took the shirt into his hand, smiling and reaching to shake Nikki's hand before talking again...

"Thanks so much Nikki. Thank you. You're the best."

"Yeah we're so grateful for you doing this. You're the best always."

Nikki only smiled shrugging her shoulders and before she could respond...

"There's one more thing I wanna ask you for Nikki, but... My wife is kind of afraid you'll say no. I told her you were cool and it'd probably be no big deal."

"Blake!"

"Well, if we don't ask how will we ever know?"

Nikki interrupted them both raising her hand..

"Hey I did the autograph didn't I? It can't be that bad. What is it? A picture?"

"Well...."

The man stopped leaning over and whispering in his wife's ear before leaning forward on the seat to finish. Then...

"Well.. We were wondering if you would... And feel free to say no to this but.... If you were willing to help us...."

He paused again, kind of glancing up towards the ceiling of the bus. Then looking to his wife... Then back to Nikki...Then...

"Fulfill a fantasy of ours and have a 3-some with us in a barn ranch on the outskirts of Las Vegas, Nevada, while a preacher and a rabbi sit in the corner with nothing but ankle socks on singing Trey Songs "The neighbors know my name" track, while 2 midgets rub crunchy peanut butter on each others groins on the back of a cow...If... It's not too much to ask that is....





*Long.... Long.... Pause*



















































"Stop the bus... STOP... THE FUCKING... BUS!"

That was it. Nikki grabbed her bag and stood up already in the drivers ear.

"Look stop this bus or I'll crippler crossface your ass to sleep lard ass. NOW!"

"Lil' lady what's th..."

"Stop it or your heart stops buddy. I'm not kidding."

Instantly the bus started to veer towards the side of the road. Taking only a few seconds to stop it caused for a sudden jump among the passengers on it as Nikki was already at the door ready to go.

The door flew open, and Nikki stepped out onto the gravel and started walking in the same direction the bus was headed only moments ago. She could hear the bus driver yelling from the door...

"It's dangerous 'round this part of town lil' lady, Ya' know??!!!"

"I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES AND GET A FUCKING CAB! SHIT!!!!!"

And she was gonna do just that too. Get a fucking cab. Screw that.


To Be continued

[Nicole Mauler]

1 hour later…


Nikki’s feet hurt like hell. I mean they hurt like whatever the fuck that is on the singer Seal’s face kind of hurt. And that guy looks like he barely escaped a Jigsaw trap a few years back.

“God… I think I’m just gonna.. Get to the hotel… Get naked… Turn on the water in the bath tub… As cold as it can get… Toss ice in it and dive into it…And just lay there, and lay there and lay there until the season starts. This heat is just unbearable…”

Despite that, she kept on walking and walking. She only had the one bag and another small one where she kept water and some things to snack on during the bus ride. The bus ride from hell that is; which was no more. She’d never been around such ignorant and heathen-ness people before in her life. And that’s saying a lot being in the business of professional wrestling.

After an entire hour of walking, the asphalt had started to hurt her feet pretty bad and the dirt and gravel on the side of the road wasn’t too much more soothing. For a few minutes she even took her shoes off and stood still in the hot dirt on the side of the road. She only stood there, lifting one of her feet off of the ground and glancing at the bottom of it. It was bad at this point and she knew she should have worn running shoes instead of these geared towards fashion welt makers. She shook her head at how irritated and inflamed her foot looked, before slowly placing it back onto the ground and speaking to herself in a low tone…

“Sheesh-us Christ… My feet are about as red as the devil’s dick….This isn’t working…”

She decided, she’d try her hand at hitchhiking. Yeah I know. Pretty girl in the middle of nowhere in Nevada, and she was gonna hitch hike?

Probably not something to tell the younger girls in your family to do but what was the alternative? Admittedly the first guy that stopped to try to give her a ride freaked her out to the point where seeing his pedophilic smile and his jagged teeth that resembled arrowheads, only brought 6 things to Nikki’s mind…

Him

Me

Basement

Rape

Blood

Tarp

Not something she wanted to even try to entertain in the least. So she decided in her head that she was gonna say the hell with it and stop the next passing car along the highway. Whoever it was, whatever they looked like or whatever kind of sick asses they were, she was gonna get out of this heat for the day. Her freakin’ sweat was sweating damn near.

And then the moment came.. An approaching vehicle in the distance as she turned around and started slowly backpedaling. She stuck her thumb out, knowing she was rolling the dice so to speak on doing this. It could backfire in her face clearly, maybe not getting abducted by Rick James and being made his personal sex slave for the weekend backfire, but it could be pretty bad. She was prepared for it, and the vehicle got closer and closer and closer… Her thumb remained stuck out there, and the vehicle….

Kept going right past her..

“…Shit….”

Nikki’s thumb dropped as she turned her sights along with the passing car, shaking her head in disbelief. Before another step could be taken, the vehicle had stopped. Nikki’s prayer’s had been answered. The vehicle began to back up towards Nikki slowly. She started walking towards it to meet the driver and to tell them thanks for stopping. Not everyone would do such a thing out on these highways in Nevada.

Finally getting to the vehicle, she peeks into the passenger side window which had been rolled down and..

“Thanks so much, I thought you’d go right past me. Please, please, tell me you’re going at least kind of close to Las Vegas…?”

[Jacob "Mutherfuggin" Cruise]

"Sure as hell am. Looking for a good bar or even a liquor store. Hair of the dog and what not."

The passenger door remains locked on Jacobs truck. He wasn't quite sure about giving her a ride yet. He's seen too many Lifetime movies gone bad in this situation. Sure, it was usually swapped genders but the main theme remained. And just for clarification, Jacob does not watch Lifetime. Cam was watching it and Jacob thought it was softcore porn.

"Look, you seem cool enough and all...But your not like hiding an AK or an Uzi in your dufflebag right? I mean, if we get to rolling down the road and you pull out a glock and demand all my money, well for one I don't got none so your wasting time. And two, I'm probably gonna shit my pants. Plain and simple. Then I'll probably drive us off the rode into a ditch, and you'd miss fire the gun..and I'd end up with a hole in my leg or something. Sure, it would be a helluva story to tell to the grandkids assuming I live long enough to have any...But I personally like my body not being riddled with bullet holes and battlescars."

Going against all he believed in, Cruise presses the unlock button for the passenger door.

"And for this one time only...You can ignore the sign. Everyone gets one freedbie...Well, if I say so."

Cruise points to the sticker on his back window that reads, "Cash, grass, or ass. Nobody rides for free." What a gentleman he was to let her bypass that sacred rule he lived by.

"Couple o' rules you need to know. Firstly, don't fart in my truck. I'm running the air so if I have to roll down the windows and waste my AC on some skank stank I won't be happy. No offense to you, and not implying that your a skank...Just most women hitchhiking around these parts...well, they have interesting stories to tell to say the least. And I'll leave it at that."

He reaches over and opens the door for her from the inside. How polite he was.

"And two. Don't fuck with my radio dial. If its to loud, plug your ears. If its not loud enough, shut the fuck up and you can hear it. And if you don't like the music...Then ignore it and sing along to your favorite Britney Spears song in your head. If you can abide by those rules, we'll be cool. If not, you can kick rocks."

With that all said, Cruise now flashes Nikki a warm, welcoming smile.

[Nicole Mauler]

"Dude.. That was so long winded, you're like the supernatural offspring of Mr. Showtime & Genesis. Come up for air sometimes will ya?"

Nikki shook her head, sliding into the truck and closing the door behind her in one quick fell swoop. She made sure not to slam it too hard because this guy seemed like so much of a pussy about how he needed to be when he was riding he'd probably throw a sissy fit about it. She quickly got comfortable in the seat letting out a long sigh before reaching over and offering her hand before they pulled off....

"Ok to clear things up for this ride; I don't have an A.K. in my bag. Only a small .25 for protection. I'm not a skank but I've assaulted a few in my day. I have an ipod filled with songs way better than Brittney Spears. I won't fart during this ride because... Well... I'm too pretty to fart. And lastly, if you shit in this car, even though it's yours, after the day I've had so far, you'll be the one walking. Names Nikki Mauler. Nice to meet you."

[Jacob "Mutherfuggin" Cruise]

"Jacob Cruise....The pleasure is all mine."

He says, awe struck by her quick and witty response. He extends his hand to except her greeting, then goes to shift the truck into drive. Still not sure why he even stopped for her in the first place, he now pulls back out onto the road. Not bothering to look for oncoming traffic. Hell, they would get out of his way.

A few moments pass before Cruise speaks up again.

"So, I don't mean to pry...But I got to ask. What the hell are you doing out here in the middle of nowhere? Don't tell me your trying to walk all the way to Vegas from whatever shit hole it is your running away from."

He stops for a moment, as if to ponder something.

"Wait, your not one of those freaks who thinks they got abducted by aliens are ya? Wake up in the dessert with no recollection of what happened and people always wanna blame the unknown. Hell, I wake up in the dessert frequently not knowing how I got there. My issue ain't supernatural though. My issue is called a super twenty-four pack of bud light. So yeah, if your thinking your ass hurts because E.T. probed you with his phone home finger, then you might want to try and think back a bit. See if you can remember some Elvis wannabe buying you a drink last night with a little extra ingredient in it. Just saying, you might want to consider getting one of them next day pills or whatever its called. I mean, if thats your situation."

Damn Cruise was talkative today. Was probably because of one of those unknown pills he took with his morning shot of whiskey. His 'special friend' and by that I mean dealer, told him all the pills were good shit. Hopefully none of them was one of those next day pills.

[Nicole Mauler]

"Abducted by aliens...? Um, no I don't believe in aliens. Or religions for that matter. I'm more into ... You know... Stuff that's real...?"

This was gonna be a long ride. This guy could talk a damn ear off. But at least he hadn't asked for sex yet...

Yet...

"And if you must know Jacob, I'm heading to Las Vegas to try to get some work. Wrestling is my thing. I wanted to try to get into the big leagues for a change. Had a taste back in FCW in Detroit some years back and did alright. Not as much as I wanted, but it was a taste. So this new place is opening up, a friend of mine is gonna be there too and we talked about being tag partners this season and all that good stuff. So yeah, only pills I wanna hear about are pain pills after the competition starts in a few weeks. What about you? Where you headed to? An amateur porn convention or something? AA retreat? AA meetings maybe? No offense.."

[Jacob "Mutherfuggin" Cruise]

"Well, glad to hear you presumably weren't molested by aliens. Would've made this ride a bit of a buzz kill if you had been. Though, that would be a damn good film to enter into the porn conventions young director competition."

He almost doesn't notice her mentioning FCW at first. Then, it all hits him.

'Wait, wait, wait...wait.....waaaait. Wait. Wait, wait a minute! Did you say FCW? The FCW? With the wrasslin? Well gaaaaaawd damn. All I can say is...."

Cruise pauses for a moment.

"You must have been starstruck as fuck when you first saw me through that passenger window!"

Got to love the ego on this guy.

"I apologize for not recognizing you. I'm guessing you never quite hit stardom such as I did. Its cool though, everyone climbs the ladder at a different pace I guess. Remind me next time we stop and I'll sign an autograph for you. I'll sign it, your Gaaaawd Jacob Cruise or some shit like that."

Cruise was all smiles right now, thinking, as everyone should be, that Nikki was a huge fan of his.

[Nicole Mauler]

"Starstruck? Why would I be starstruck? Are you somebody I should know or something? And what do you know about FCW anyway? Wait... Weren't you one of the janitors or something there? I know the face seemed familiar but I just couldn't place it. Yeah. No one could clean up vomit like you could if I remember correctly. That one night in particular in the FCW towers, when Shayne had eaten Chilli cheese fries, chocolate pudding and god knows what else and just blew chunks all over the elevator. There you were... Right on time as if you were a janitorial robot or something to clean it up..."

Nikki paused for a moment, thinking all that she said over for a minute. Then realizing she maybe had made a mistake, she looked to him again, looking him up and down.

"Wait... Weren't you mexican then? Use to ride around on a lawnmower with rims on it and a Bose radio system in it?"

[Jacob "Mutherfuggin" Cruise]

"Um.....No."

There is silence for a long moment. Cruise not sure if he wants to continue this conversation. But, for the sake of enlightenment, he must.

"Come on, I know you remember Jacob Cruise. The Gaaaaawd of submission? I use to hang around with an Eskimo or maybe he's Italian? Dude named Cameron Kincaid. I'm still confused on his ethnicity...But thats beside the point. I use to to run around drinking lots of beer. Got screwed out of the tag titles to many times to count. Pissed off people just for the sheer fun of it? Come on...some of this shit has got to ring a bell. I'm Jacob "Mutherfuggin" Cruise. I boned Amy Sapphire. Not sure how that would gain me any more recognition...but...I accomplished shit in FCW!"

Cruise's voice becomes slightly whiny, almost as if he's about to throw a little temper tantrum.

"Fuck it, I didn't want to sign my name on a piece of paper for you anyways..."

[Nicole Mauler]

Well the name did ring a bell sort of. She did remember Cameron Kincaid. And the mexican guy that was their valet or something. Gay for a guy to be a valet isn't it?

But anyway, Nikki thought about it for a few seconds then turning back to Jacob she responded.

"O.K. I think I recall seeing you 2 wrestle a few times. Shayne & I were there for the final stretch of the company's life so I missed a lot. But yeah, Cameron Kincaid does ring a bell. He's too cute not to. :PAnd what's your ring moniker again? The Lord of tapping out or something like that? I know I'm close. Damnit, you just said it a minute ago. Meh oh well. FCW was awesome. Only 2 things I didn't like about it. Kim Hunter & Lilith. Everything else was 5 x 5 if you ask me. What did you do after you left there? Sell insurance or something? Wait!..."

"I know I'm rambling and all but... Do you think you can get Cam to sign my Just-US League T-shirt some day? Maybe even that illegal alien you guys you used to hang with too? Guess you can sign it too if you want. So is that do-able?"

[Jacob "Mutherfuggin" Cruise]

"Just-Us League........T-Shirt?......Really? How the hell did you get ahold of one of those sum-bitches?"

Cruise bunches up his eyebrows in a questioning manner. He takes a moment to look over at Nikki but then quickly shifts his eyes back to the road as he almost runs them off in a ditch.

"I mean, theres only like five of um in existence. I got one, Cam's got one, we gave one to me Meh-e-Kahn-no friend Nando. Or the lawnmowing Alien as I think you referred to him as. I gave one to some chick I boned. More of a thanks for the effort, but I've had better type thing. Then the last one got lost in some Fed-Ex mail drama. I was sending one to that Familia dipshit Pornstar as a bit of a gag-gift. You know, kind of a congratulations for staying herpes free for so long. When bam, my Fed-ex tracker went blank like the fuggin package never existed. I figured terrorist probably hi-jacked it or some shit."

Cruise reaches down under his seat, pulling out a small cooler. From within it, he removes a nice cold bud light. He places it in his lap and pops the can open. Without taking his eyes off the road, he asks Nikki;

"What bout' you. Wanna cold beer?"

Without waiting for her to answer, he removes another can. Hell, if she says no he can handle one in each hand. He still has his knees to steer with.

"So, that has to bring up the question. Either A, were you the bad lay that I gave the T-shirt to out of sympathy? I mean, I thought she was a littler hotter....no offense....but I was also a lot drunken then. Or B, did you ever work for Fed-ex?"

The saddest thing about Cruise's last statements, is he truly was wanting an answer to his questions.

[Nicole Mauler]

"Oh that's simple. Ebay. Gotta love the internet these days. So somebody put the thing on Ebay and after finding out how rare they were, I outbid someone. Only paid 80 bucks for it. Cool right?"

Nikki stared at the cooler, thinking that this guy shouldn't be drinking and driving. But then again they were way out here on the back roads of Las Vegas. Who the hell would ever know?

She reached for the cooler, grabbing one of the beers and popping the top. After a few big gulps she replied..

"But yeah it was so cool. The chick that was selling the shirt really just seemed like she was a ditzy one too. Probably can't tell the difference between a hole in the wall and the one between her legs. Made a real big stink about not telling anybody who she was too. Some chick named MiMi. Who the fuck is named MiMi anyway? A poodle? She needs to stop."

[Jacob "Mutherfuggin" Cruise]

The first thought that pops into Cruise mind, which also becomes the first thing he blurts out as he can't keep his thoughts to himself is...

"You paid $80 dollars for it? Where the hell is my kick back from that shit? I've been living off Ramen Noddles and Dr.Choice for the last three months and I have a T-shirt that could sell for $80 sitting at the bottom of my dirty clothes pile!"

Cruise pounds on his steering wheel.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

They veer into the oncoming lane for a moment, but Cruise adjusts and gets them back on the right side of the road.

"Sorry about that. Anger issues. Part of the reason I'm considering getting back in the ring. Let out some aggression. Keeping it all bottled in is bad for my blood pressure. Or so the doctor says. Well, not really THE doctor. A guy I was sitting next to at a baseball game who said he was a doctor. I don't have insurance so I can't afford real doctors visits. So I just bothered that guy during the seventh inning stretch. I asked him to take a look at a growth down by my ball sack too but he said he didn't feel comfortable doing that. Then I questioned what kind of doctor he was and whether he even had a degree or not...words got heated and eventually security escorted me out."

As if he hadn't gone way to far and given way to much information in his last few sentences, Cruise now randomly blurts out.

"Hey! Theres the lights! Bright as fuck....Means we're getting close to the big city itself. Nope, not long now at all. Especially on this road."

Theres another long silence as Cruise chugs away at his beers. One, then the other, then back to the first. No, he wouldn't just drink one at a time. He was taking on both.

"Oh, and yes I would gladly sign your shirt for ya. I just can't believe the odds of some chick selling a Just-Us League shirt...And Cam's wifey's would both have the same name. What are the odds."

He knew she had actually only asked for Cam and maybe Nando's signature but he would play it off and hope she didn't bring it up again.

[Nicole Mauler]

"Hey guy can you keep your eyes on the road a bit more if you're gonna drink and drive? Please? I don't wanna die at a young age and be found in the car with you. People would think... Well... We're together or something...."

Nikki chugs a bit more beer before feeling the car once again slowly drifting to the other lane. Quickly looking in his direction again she sees his eyes were diverted once again.

"That doesn't mean look at my thighs either jackass! Christ I know they're voluptuous looking and all but let's get to the SCW Towers in one piece."

"..."

"Wh... Whoa whoa wait... So you're tellin' me... Did you just say.... Cam's wife is named MiMi??!..."

Nikki thought a few moments. Thinking what were the chances... No couldn't be.

"Couldn't be her. Cam wouldn't marry some dumb bimbo that would sell his shirt and he not even know about it. God I hope not. He just needs to leave her for me and things would be perfect. I'd wear that shirt everyday waiting for him to come home. It'd be the only thing I was wearing too. Maybe 'Nando would do the same for you when you got home?"