The National Anthem (Sasha, then Anyone)

[Penelope Lea]

The deafening crowd, the profound eagerness within all their eyes, and their souls screaming in unison over our oath to gratify their inner hunger for violence. It is our first gig, our first showing in front of a live, Las Vegas audience, Sin City Wrestling, the new home for the Xombie Skull Kickers. Hearing the chants from behind the stage curtains, "SCW, SCW, SCW!" I smile, they may have not been chanting my name, but there was always something magical about a large group of people coming together as one, unique unit. Taking a deep breath, I glance over at Sasha sitting behind her drum set, her eyes closed, I could tell she was soaking in the atmosphere of our new environment as she strummed the corners of her big...drum. I should have really looked that up on Wikipedia, drum terminology was never really something I was particularly interested in. Clutching the post of the microphone stand, I twirl with it, as if I was performing a well choreographed dance move and dip it, adjusting the clutch to fit my height as I did so.

Xombie Skull Kickers are more than just the best tag team in the history of professional wrestling, the Xombie Skull Kickers are my spectacular band, and as such, we provide twice the entertainment of anyone else on the roster. For instance, at the moment we are adjusting our instruments for our live performance of the The Star-Spangled Banner, then afterward we're putting on our skull-kickin' wrestling gear and denting the skulls of two utterly worthless women on this roster. Hehe...I call them "worthless" because they aren't me. Or Sasha. I didn't even bother remembering their names, because the entire universe knows that because they aren't me and Sasha they might as well not even exist. Ever. They're like the drumsticks Sasha is going to throw to the audience once we're finished. They were useful for that ONE performance, to get us over, but heh, now they're worthless, can't even sell them on eBay because Sasha isn't exactly Kim from the Sex Bob-ombs.

"Hey...Sasha...how does the Star-Spangled Banner go again?"

Well, excuse me for not taking United States history classes during high school. I am CANADIAN, scientifically proven to be the best nationality in the whole entire world full of a million other nations. Forgive me for not remembering the lyrics of probably the most boring song in the history of the world. Walking over, closer to Sasha, microphone still in hand, I-CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! Don't take that literally, I stumbled over a freaking cord!

"SOOKIE, WHAT THE HELL!?"

Sookie is our bass guitarist, it was obviously her fault. Like someone of my pristine balance would stumble purposely over a loose cord.

"P-P-P-Penelop-"

"Shut up Sookie, prove your worth and toss me back my microphone."

Yeah, it kind of popped out of the stand. Straightening myself back onto my feet, Sookie tosses the microphone at precisely the wrong moment, the head it bonking the side of my head. Sasha gives me an evil glare as if I was the one who did something wrong. Like I ever do anything wrong. But of course, she knew I was about to scream at Sookie again, and that death stare meant I really shouldn't. Sighing, I roll my eyes and pick the microphone off the floor.

"Anyway, as I was saying, it goes..."

I hug the microphone close to me and close my eyes as I sing the lyrics with the utmost pride.

"'O! say can you see, by the Eclipse's moonlight,
What so sadly we wailed at Twilights last screening,
Whose team should we choose through this perilous fight?
O'er the ramparts we watched while Edward lay glistening.
While the wolf's red glare, Jacob bursting through the air,
Gave proof through the night that Bella's love was still there.
O! say does her bristling brunette hair weave,
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?"

I swear, it felt like I was in the "moment," the mental crowd in my head all booing...at...me? Not often does my inner-audience do that, but hey, it was the UNITED STATES National Anthem, everyone in my head is CANADIAN, of course they didn't like it. Opening my eyes, I look a the horrid expression on Sasha's face. Critics. Everyone. Pssh.

"...right? I mean, they may not be historically accurate, but you don't need to give me that look."

[Sasha Lea]

If my eyes had the power to shoot laser beams the gauge would be turned from stun to incinerate. She botched the national anthem. THE NATIONAL ANTHEM OF AMERICA! I think that's how you say it but that is beside the point. Not only did she botch the anthem but she did it in front of a live audience who just happened to be American. Dear God, Kurt Cobain and Jimi Hendrix would be rolling in their graves right now if they saw us. Put a fork in us, the gig is up.

It might have been my imagination but I could have sworn the crowd was inching closer and closer to the stage. I could have possibly imagined their primal facial expressions, the veins in their forehead tensing and crimson undertones made visible amongst their flesh as well. Yeah, all in my imagination I told myself as I closed my eyes as if to hide from creative visions.

“This isn’t happening, this isn’t happening, this isn’t happening. I'm too young to die!”
Snookie whispered to herself a few feet away from my drum set.


Peeking open a single eye I survived the aftermath of Penelope’s botchery in hopes of a better aftermath than the one I had previously fabricated.

An air of nervousness continued to stifle the band as we stood humbled before the enraged SCW populous. XSK will forever be known as the band that choked in doubt in front of the wayward eyes. Maybe I’m not Kim from Sex Bomb-Omb but I’m Sasha Lea and I knew what to do!

“WE ARE XOMBIE SKULL KICKERS AND WE ARE HERE TO MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT IRISH WHIPS AND MESS UP THE NATIONAL ANTHEM AND STUFF! 1 2 3 4 !”


Did they take my lead? Did they follow along and play with their hearts on their sleeves? I couldn't say. Personal I was too busy wailing away on my cymbals and thrashing my hair about to and fro behind my command center that dubbed as drums. Skull kicking, one beat at a time.

[SWIFT]

There it is, the music starts to play and a smile crosses the lips from SWIFT as she jumps up and down behind the curtain. Ready and eager to get in the ring to show of her skills for the first time in the United States, she is quite excited and can’t wait to get in the ring. The backstage worker has told her to wait here until the music plays and now some music plays, but it is kind of strange as it is not her music, but that doesn’t bother her, probably just a mistake by the sound crew as they might not got her music yet. Ready and eager to get in the ring SWIFT is doing the only thing that she can think of at the moment and that is to step through the curtain and get out on the stage.

There we are, she just did it and stepped through the curtain on the stage … after doing her usual poses and gestures she walks down the ramp and enters quickly the ring and does another pose on the turnbuckle before she walks to the side of the ring where a ring worker gives her a microphone.

<“Konichiwa, it is great to be here in the USA for the first time in my life and I am very glad to work here in the SCW to show you people the art of professional wrestling. I am from Japan and it is great to be here … I hope that I will make a lasting impression in this company and that you people will enjoy my work in the ring.”>

The fans at ringside as well as the commentators seam to be confused? How could that happen, SWIFT scratches her head and looks around as she hears “WHAT??” shouts from the crowd as the commentator takes the word.

Mike Adams: “It appears that the Japanese sensation known only as SWIFT has just made her first appearance in SCW … and what a debut it is … if we would be able to understand what she has said.”

Sasha Grey: “I guess she must have forgotten out of nervous that we speak here English and not Japanese.” A small giggle follows from her.

Mike Adams: “Apparently this must be the case and she also has interrupted the performance from Xombie Skull Kickers and I am sure they might not be so found of this.”

Sasha Grey: “Well we will see what happens next”

SWIFT tries to follow the conversation between the 2 commentators as good as possible and she realise that she should have better talked in English and not in Japanese to the fans, so she tries it again, still not realising that she has interrupted the performance from the XSK.

“Sorry, I forgot to talk English here. I SWIFT am and it great is to here be in the USA. I am Japan from and it is honour great to wrestle for here people. I hope that will you enjoy the Japanese style wrestling.”

SWIFT smiles and bows in front of the crowd to show the respect she has for the fans, still not realising that XSK might be not be so happy about her appearance here in this ring.

[Sasha Lea]

“Am I seeing what I think I’m seeing? Pen-Pen are you seeing this?”

Looking over I glanced at Penelope to gauge her reaction. She must be lost in her own little world, how someone so out of the loop can feel as if their the center of attention is beyond me. All of this really shouldn't surprise me now that I think about it.

“I wonder…”

To test a theory that popped into my head I simply stopped drumming and swiveled off my stool, clutching on to my Zildjian drumsticks. Penelope didn’t even notice. She must be blinded by the limelight. Typical Penelope. Psssh. Shes not even addressing the girl in the ring who blatantly interrupted our performance and acted like she didn’t even see us! If Penelope won’t do something about this, I will!

Sasha stepped around the drum set and series of trip hazard cords that connected to various musical accessories before making her way down to the ramp. The band behind her grew quiet but Penelope continued to sing, totally lost in oblivion. Suffice to say, it was painful to watch.

Sasha, standing in the middle of the entrance ramp halfway down to the ring chucked one of her drumsticks towards SWIFT to grab her attention. The drumstick ricocheted off the rope and fell gently around SWIFT’s ankles.

Rolling into the squared circle, Sasha called for a microphone of her own before standing toe to toe with the confused hellcat. With a slight tilt of the head Sasha responded.

“Konichiwa? Konichiwa? Just because you’re a Joshi and from the incredibly awesome land of Japan(but not as awesome Canada) doesn’t give you the right to marauder of our spotlight sister!”

Sasha points to the band on top of the ramp and proceeded to walk in a circle around SWIFT eying her up and down.

“and how did you forget to speak English? That’s not as bad as Penelope completely botching the national anthem, but it’s damn close!”

She stopped a few feet in front of fellow foreigner in the ring and pointed her remaining drum stick in SWIFT’s general direction. The tip of the stick rested a mere centimeters away from the point between SWIFT’s eyes.

“You will pay for your crimes against The Xombie Skull Kickers! I’m calling you out Joshi!”

[SWIFT]

SWIFT stands in the centre of the ring and has her back turned to the entrance ramp as she hears suddenly something that pounces of the ring mat until she feels that this something has hit her angle. She looks down and notices some sort of wood stick, a bit to big to be wood sticks that you usually use for lunch in Japan. The young female bows down and pick the stick up as one of the singers from the band who has played the wrong theme song to her entrance has entered the ring and got herself a microphone. A confused looked is shown on the hidden face of the Japanese wrestler. That the woman started to talk to her was not a help either as she had a hard time to understand her. She talked way to fast and emotional SWIFT thought and then raised her microphone as the woman stopped to talk, but started to point with another stick at her face.

“No No No … SWIFT has done not crime. SWIFT is person good, she is superhero and no … no need calling out other Joshi, cause SWIFT is here already deal to with situation.”

She steps backwards to get a bit of space between the two of them and raise the wooden stick she has in her left hand and places the wood against the other one which was still pointing at her. It looks as if two fencers would start of with a fight.

“So no need call out other Joshi. But SWIFT a bit confused is, why is singer mad at her. SWIFT needs be mad now right. You played wrong song, not SWIFT’s Theme song that was … Why you angry at her? Not done wrong, you did wrong … wrong song, not SWIFT’s Theme.”

Swift makes an angry face or at least she tried as she presses her lips against each other that way that her bottom lip is further out while the upper lip nearly disappears.

[Penelope Lea]

Did I just hear that correctly? Yes, yes, I was singing, I am the band after all, people aren't in those seats to listen to Sasha's sub-par drumming, why would anyone? They're here to hear me! Penelope Lea, not only the face of SCW's now fantastic Hellcats division, but the face of the Xombie Skull Kickers, the universe's most fantastic band ever! But how in the world could anyone confuse ME, for SASHA, when I'm holding THIS microphone!? The crowd still booing, I'm simply a misunderstood artist, I turned my attention to the disturbance in the ring.

"You're an idiot!"

No, no, that was wrong.

"You're both idiots!"

Exactly.

"You've never heard Sasha's singing voice if you think she's the singer of MY mega-spectacular-super-popular band, then suffice to say, you're deaf...and blind! Look at her face, it's not going to be on the cover of our first mainstream CD, mine is. Why? Because I'm cute, and I'm the undiscovered talent, the muse, and the musical glue that keeps our band together!"

Still on stage, I wasn't about to skip to the ring. One, Sasha was already in the ring, and if this masked vigilante was going to retaliate then she had a tall mountain of muscle to deal with, and second, this microphone wasn't cordless. I simply didn't have the luxury to grace my presence in that wrestling ring at the moment. I'm also totally the glue that keeps our band together, not Sasha, anyone who thinks otherwise is a stupid idiot, like the people in the ring.

"And why would I sing YOUR theme song? It's United States National Anthem! People around this arena are standing proud on their feet, hands over their hearts over the majesty of my rendition of the song, right?"

The audience hollers in disapproval as I demand Strawberry Sookie to cover my innocent ears. Luckily for her, she did.

"As for you Sasha, WHY ARE YOU LEAVING OUR STAGE IN THE MIDDLE OF A PERFORMANCE?! I'm building a reputation, and if I can't keep MY band together for our first LIVE ON TELEVISION performance, than how does that make ME look? You better get your drumsticks back and start banging on a turnbuckle or something!"