Post by Adrian Taylor on Aug 19, 2011 5:03:44 GMT -5
"...All of the locker rooms smell vaguely of vomit. I don't know what it is. Maybe people are getting some pre-match jitters and spew all over the floor. Maybe it's guys who go out partying the night before the show and purge before they have to hit the ring. I don't fuckin' know. What I do know is that I've been at this shit for way too long. Way too long. And for what? Big jets? Bigger checks? Shit. These Goddamn suits don't ever treat their top stars right. Or the ones who should be their top stars, anyways. That's why I've decided to live by my own set of rules. You know? When you die, you're going to regret the things you don't do. So... Do what you want, that's what I think. Live with the consequences. You're a thief? So what? Be a thief. Cheated on your wife? You did it. Live with it. You know what I'm saying...? Bad people go to Hell? Fuck that. Hell exists on Earth? Probably. I won't fuckin' live in it though. Fuck that. I do what I want, when I want, how I want... You ever just do what the Hell you want and say, 'To Hell with the consequences?'"
Bartender: "Did I...?"
"Yes. You. Who do you think I'm talking to...?"
Bartender: "I don't know..."
~...Adrian drew a deep breath and exhales a heavy sigh. He was sitting at the bar within the Lucky Starz Casino, talking with the bartender. He wasn't thinking all that clearly. He wasn't really thinking at all. He was just talking to whoever was going to listen. The closest person him was the bartender, so he figured he might as well talk to them. They were supplying the alcohol. The least the bastard could do was listen to Adrian. Maybe he's had one too many drinks here tonight. Maybe he's just rambling on whatever comes to mind. He didn't really care. He stayed out of the public eye for the past couple weeks. Sure. Two weeks ago, he did that tag team match with Joe against the two champions. Beyond that? Eh... He did his best to avoid interviews and shit like that. He didn't even bother showing up to the Wildcard Arena last week. Adrian took a personal week off. He didn't know what he'd do for the upcoming week. He knew there was probably going to be some shit going on with Joe and the World Champion. Maybe he'll swing by the arena and see what happens. Right now though? He was just drinking at the bar. Adrian raised his half empty glass of Hennessy and downed whatever was left inside. Then he pushed the glass forward to the bartender and nodded to him for another refill.~
"Forget about it. Shit don't matter none. Even if you did, what would it matter? What's left in life when you've lived all there is to live? Memories? Just a string of images that stay stuck in your mind, for better or for worse. Don't matter. You know? Like any of the great fucks you've had in your life? What do you remember about them?"
Bartender: "What do I--?"
"Yes, pal. You heard me."
Bartender: "Uhh..."
"For fucks sake, man. I don't know about you... But me? It ain't shit like the orgasm. Things like... Some chick's forearms are you neck, something her eyes did... A sound she made.. Or me just lying there in the bed, the next day, and she brings me a cigarette and a coffee in the morning. My body might feel drained. My balls feel like they've had a sledgehammer taken to 'em. You know? What I'm trying to say is... What is life? What is this thing we call our life? Looking back? Looking forward? That's life. That's all there is to it."
Bartender: "Mmm."
~Probably against the bartender's better judgement, he slides the glass back to Adrian. Now full of Hennessy once again. Adrian gives the bartender another nod before reaching for the glass. He lifts it up to his lips and takes a drink from it. Gah. He loved this shit. Great fuckin' drink. Just fuckin' great. He looked back up at the bartender again and continued to ramble...~
"Where is the moment, friendo? What is it that we are afraid of?"
Bartender: "Umm... Loss?"
"Loss? Heh. We're afraid of loss? Banks closing, we get sick, your wife dies on a plane, stock market crashes, houses burn... Do these things happen? Nah. Not often. Not often enough to be afraid. But look at us... We worry anyways. What does that mean? We're not secure? Shit. How do you become secure? Friends? Family? Accumulating mass wealth beyond all measure? That there is what I call a sickness. That's the trap. There is no measure. Just greed. Lots of fuckin' greed. You always want what the other guys have. It's sad. You want to know how you deal with these fears? Think of it like this... There's a one-in-so-and-so-a-million chance that so and so will happen... Fuck it. Won't happen to me. You know? You think that's the wrong way to think about it? Fuck you. What? You say... There is a one-in-so-and-so chance this will happen... God will protect me. Pfft. That's a coward's way of thinking. You think you're powerless. Please don't let it happen to me. Fuck that."
Bartender: "Well--"
"No. There's something else, isn't there? What is it? If it happens, as it may, for it's not within our powers, I will deal with it? Ha. Just as I do today with what draws my concern today. This is how people should think. Do the things to correct yourself today. Live in the moment. Cape diem or what the fuck ever. Trust yourself. Indulge yourself a little. You've got to have the strength to act each day without fear. According to my mind, wrestling, skills, popularity, star power... What are these things? An opportunity. To what? To make money? Perhaps. To lose money? Perhaps. Indulge and learn about yourself? Perhaps. So. Fucking. What? What in life isn't an opportunity? Shit. All events in life are just things that happen to you. Some poor sap that just got married gets mowed down by a speeding cab. Some drug addict wins the lottery. Life? It's a wild ride. One big fuckin' carnival. What's so special about it? What draws us?"
Bartender: "I don't know..."
"We're all different. None of us are the same. Some live life in one direction. Some live life in no direction. It's all just... Life. You know? Shit... Whatchu drinking, pal?"
Bartender: "Nothing. I don't drink while I'm on the job. And I think you've had a couple too many."
"Just a couple more."
Bartender: "You don't think you have a problem?"
"No. I don't. I don't have a problem with drinking. I like it. That's why I do it. I don't give a fuck what others think."
Bartender: "Alright, bub. Two more glasses and then you're done. Cool?"
"Yeah, yeah."
~Adrian just waved the bartender off. He didn't care what they thought. This was a bar, right? What do people do at a bar damnit? They drink. That's what bars are for. For people to come here, have a drink, relax, and forget about your problems. That's all he was doing. Adrian lifted the glass in his hand up and took another drink from it. Fuck 'em. He looked around the bar to see if there was anyone else here from the roster.~
Bartender: "Did I...?"
"Yes. You. Who do you think I'm talking to...?"
Bartender: "I don't know..."
~...Adrian drew a deep breath and exhales a heavy sigh. He was sitting at the bar within the Lucky Starz Casino, talking with the bartender. He wasn't thinking all that clearly. He wasn't really thinking at all. He was just talking to whoever was going to listen. The closest person him was the bartender, so he figured he might as well talk to them. They were supplying the alcohol. The least the bastard could do was listen to Adrian. Maybe he's had one too many drinks here tonight. Maybe he's just rambling on whatever comes to mind. He didn't really care. He stayed out of the public eye for the past couple weeks. Sure. Two weeks ago, he did that tag team match with Joe against the two champions. Beyond that? Eh... He did his best to avoid interviews and shit like that. He didn't even bother showing up to the Wildcard Arena last week. Adrian took a personal week off. He didn't know what he'd do for the upcoming week. He knew there was probably going to be some shit going on with Joe and the World Champion. Maybe he'll swing by the arena and see what happens. Right now though? He was just drinking at the bar. Adrian raised his half empty glass of Hennessy and downed whatever was left inside. Then he pushed the glass forward to the bartender and nodded to him for another refill.~
"Forget about it. Shit don't matter none. Even if you did, what would it matter? What's left in life when you've lived all there is to live? Memories? Just a string of images that stay stuck in your mind, for better or for worse. Don't matter. You know? Like any of the great fucks you've had in your life? What do you remember about them?"
Bartender: "What do I--?"
"Yes, pal. You heard me."
Bartender: "Uhh..."
"For fucks sake, man. I don't know about you... But me? It ain't shit like the orgasm. Things like... Some chick's forearms are you neck, something her eyes did... A sound she made.. Or me just lying there in the bed, the next day, and she brings me a cigarette and a coffee in the morning. My body might feel drained. My balls feel like they've had a sledgehammer taken to 'em. You know? What I'm trying to say is... What is life? What is this thing we call our life? Looking back? Looking forward? That's life. That's all there is to it."
Bartender: "Mmm."
~Probably against the bartender's better judgement, he slides the glass back to Adrian. Now full of Hennessy once again. Adrian gives the bartender another nod before reaching for the glass. He lifts it up to his lips and takes a drink from it. Gah. He loved this shit. Great fuckin' drink. Just fuckin' great. He looked back up at the bartender again and continued to ramble...~
"Where is the moment, friendo? What is it that we are afraid of?"
Bartender: "Umm... Loss?"
"Loss? Heh. We're afraid of loss? Banks closing, we get sick, your wife dies on a plane, stock market crashes, houses burn... Do these things happen? Nah. Not often. Not often enough to be afraid. But look at us... We worry anyways. What does that mean? We're not secure? Shit. How do you become secure? Friends? Family? Accumulating mass wealth beyond all measure? That there is what I call a sickness. That's the trap. There is no measure. Just greed. Lots of fuckin' greed. You always want what the other guys have. It's sad. You want to know how you deal with these fears? Think of it like this... There's a one-in-so-and-so-a-million chance that so and so will happen... Fuck it. Won't happen to me. You know? You think that's the wrong way to think about it? Fuck you. What? You say... There is a one-in-so-and-so chance this will happen... God will protect me. Pfft. That's a coward's way of thinking. You think you're powerless. Please don't let it happen to me. Fuck that."
Bartender: "Well--"
"No. There's something else, isn't there? What is it? If it happens, as it may, for it's not within our powers, I will deal with it? Ha. Just as I do today with what draws my concern today. This is how people should think. Do the things to correct yourself today. Live in the moment. Cape diem or what the fuck ever. Trust yourself. Indulge yourself a little. You've got to have the strength to act each day without fear. According to my mind, wrestling, skills, popularity, star power... What are these things? An opportunity. To what? To make money? Perhaps. To lose money? Perhaps. Indulge and learn about yourself? Perhaps. So. Fucking. What? What in life isn't an opportunity? Shit. All events in life are just things that happen to you. Some poor sap that just got married gets mowed down by a speeding cab. Some drug addict wins the lottery. Life? It's a wild ride. One big fuckin' carnival. What's so special about it? What draws us?"
Bartender: "I don't know..."
"We're all different. None of us are the same. Some live life in one direction. Some live life in no direction. It's all just... Life. You know? Shit... Whatchu drinking, pal?"
Bartender: "Nothing. I don't drink while I'm on the job. And I think you've had a couple too many."
"Just a couple more."
Bartender: "You don't think you have a problem?"
"No. I don't. I don't have a problem with drinking. I like it. That's why I do it. I don't give a fuck what others think."
Bartender: "Alright, bub. Two more glasses and then you're done. Cool?"
"Yeah, yeah."
~Adrian just waved the bartender off. He didn't care what they thought. This was a bar, right? What do people do at a bar damnit? They drink. That's what bars are for. For people to come here, have a drink, relax, and forget about your problems. That's all he was doing. Adrian lifted the glass in his hand up and took another drink from it. Fuck 'em. He looked around the bar to see if there was anyone else here from the roster.~